Mema ~ World's Greatest Grandmother

Today has been a rough day for me. Twenty One years ago today my grandmother passed away. It was the moment I literally had dreaded my entire life. She was more than my grandmother, she was my second mom, my best friend, my cheerleader, the person whose eyes lit up when I walked into the room. She was the grandmother every little girl should have. Not because she was perfect, but because she loved me with her whole heart!

My grandmother and I on the day of my baptism July 1961

Try as I might, I just can't find the words to describe her. She was strong, yet vulnerable in a way that no one really knew. She was funny, smart, talented, hardworking, loving, giving, these are all adjectives that describe her, yet don't really say who she was.

She was truly my hero. Without her, I literally might not be here. My mom got pregnant with me in the Fall of 1960. This was not acceptable back then. She lived in Rhode Island with her dad. My grandmother, her mother, lived in California with my mom's step-dad. Although legally he was a step, he was, in every way, her father and my grandfather. When my maternal grandfather learned of her pregnancy he told my mom that he was going to have the church take me away. That's what they did back then. The church took the babies of unwed moms and put them away somewhere. (Some of them from that area of the country were put into homes for the severely retarded, even though they weren't retarded, in Canada. Although we didn't find that out until the mid 90's)

My Grandmother (Mema), Grandfather (Pa) and I at the church July 1961

Anyway, when my mother learned that I would be taken from her, she was distraught and went to my Aunt Florence who was my grandmother's sister. It was my Aunt Florence who told my mom to call my grandmother. Her words to my mom were, "Call your mom, she won't let anyone take your baby!" So my mom called her mother, who was 3700 miles away and told her the situation and my grandmother said, "You come out here, no one is going to take your baby away from you!" And that is how it came to be that I am here to share this story. That I am here to have my children. If not for her, I might very well have ended up in one of those homes where they hid the children of unwed mothers.

My Mom, Me, Mema, Aunt Florence and Gloria, Aunt Florence's daughter RI 1966

I didn't find out any of this story until a couple of days after my grandmother passed away. At that time my Aunt Florence and my Mom were talking about her and the story was told. She had always been my hero, but now even more so. Imagine the bravery of these women to take a stand for me like that! Thanks to my Aunt Florence, my Grandmother and Grandfather (Pa) and the bravery of my mom to get on a plane and leave everyone and everything she knew to cross the country to keep me, here I am.

When I was born the nurses wouldn't let my mom see me. They assumed that since she was single I would be placed for adoption and so they refused to allow her to see me. When my grandmother came to the hospital she found my mom crying, when she found out what was going on she stormed out to the nurse's station and demanded they bring me to my mother! She told them, "She didn't come all the way across the country to have her baby kept away from her, bring her baby to her now!!"

Mema was also the person who quit her job to stay home with me when I ran away from daycare. Yes, I really did. One day my mom left me at daycare and when she stopped at a stop sign a couple of blocks away she happened to look in her rear-view mirror and see me running after her down the street. My grandmother quit her job and stayed home to take care of me.

Before I ever went to daycare/preschool, my grandmother was the one who taught me my alphabet, how to count, how to write in handwriting, how to read. Her and I would sit at my chalkboard and she would show me everything I wanted to know. I loved learning and she was eager to teach me.

Her and I watched cartoons together, watched Bewitched and The Flying Nun every single Thursday night, ate hot fudge sundaes when it was freezing cold out while my grandfather laughed at us shivering while we ate our ice cream. I was their little princess, their pumpkin, the light of their life. And they were the light of mine!

They took me camping, took me across the country on car trips, made my childhood a fantasy land. Built me a playhouse, got me my first dog, and my first rabbit. Built me a special bedroom with childsize closets and a huge desk that spanned the entire room.

After my grandfather passed away at the much too young age of 49, my grandmother and I became traveling buddies and best friends. We had sleepovers and traveled together. The phone call I received that morning of January 22, 1993 was the call I had spent my life dreading. The pain is still there. But the saying, don't be sad that it's over, be happy that it happened is so true. Yes, I am sad that she is gone. But having her love was worth the hurt. I am thankful for her love and the influence she had on my life. I will always be thankful for what she brought to my life. I was a lucky little girl who was loved just the way every little girl should be, who had a magical beginning to life that helped see me through the tough times. She was my grandmother, my best friend, and my hero.